I'm 37,000 feetbover Albuquerque, New Mexico as I write this (yes, I splurged on in-air Wi-Fi...I am not getting home for about 9 hours!). What a wonderful, exhausting, enlightening two weeks it's been since I left Portland two weeks ago. I understand fall has arrived at home, which seems fitting, as I prepare to shed my old habits and fears like so many autumn leaves swirling to the ground. My Biggest Loser experience seems, in some ways, like it happened months--rather than days--ago, though I am anxious to go home and put the lessons I learned at Fitness Ridge to work in my everyday life. I wasn't completely reckless this past week but I cant say I was counting calories too closely either (sorry, but I was not going to pads up my first chance to have authentic Mexican food while in Arizona! Totally worth the splurge).
I think the trick for me, to achieve lasting change, will be finding balance. Paying attention to what and how much I eat without becoming fanatical. Making exercise priority, not an obsession. Taking time to relax, recharge, and rejuvenate on a regular basis.
I appreciate everyone who's come along on this journey with me in spirit. I have felt your thoughts, prayers and cheers every step of the way, and knowing you will continue to be there to support me makes all the difference.
Cheers from high above Texas! xox
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
The journey really begins NOW
I cannot believe it's been just over 24 hours since I left Fitness Ridge with tears of joy in my eyes after surpassing my wildest dreams and losing 11 lbs and 4 inches (including 1.5 inches from my waist alone!) in one short week. I was so proud, so overwhelmed to see that my very hard work paid off, and gave me the jumpstart I need to reach my healthy life goals.
Of course, the real work begins now. During "graduation" Saturday night, all of us who were leaving Sunday received a tee shirt that says, "I survived The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge!" What I need is to be able to say, "I survived being on my own without a chef and personal trainer to keep me on track daily." That said, I have a plan and I will work very hard to put the lessons I learned to work in my "normal" life without letting them take over my life. So far, so good. It helps to know I have so many cheerleaders out there urging me on. It really does.
Now that Fitness Ridge is behind me (for now...don't be surprised if I go back next year for another week...I loved it that much!) I am settling into the rest of my vacation. Yesterday I drove to the Grand Canyon, a place I had always wanted to visit. The drive itself was spectacular (I even saw a herd of buffalo!) and the Canyon....it truly took my breath away. I don't even have words to describe how amazing it is (and if you've been reading my blog, you know I can usually ramble on about anything : ) If you've been to the Grand Canyon, you already understand. I felt very close to God, especially this morning when I was up to watch the sunrise and the paths were not yet filled with people yapping on their cell phones (those who could get service, that is)...hard not to feel the presence of a higher power when surrounded by something so astonishing, so beautiful.
As if that experience weren't enough, on a whim I decided to change my plans slightly and instead of staying at the North Rim another night, I drove to Zion National Park, which was just as mind-blowing. The pictures I took will never measure up to the splendor of the real thing, but they will help me remember how lucky I am to have had this wonderful experience.
Of course, the real work begins now. During "graduation" Saturday night, all of us who were leaving Sunday received a tee shirt that says, "I survived The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge!" What I need is to be able to say, "I survived being on my own without a chef and personal trainer to keep me on track daily." That said, I have a plan and I will work very hard to put the lessons I learned to work in my "normal" life without letting them take over my life. So far, so good. It helps to know I have so many cheerleaders out there urging me on. It really does.
Now that Fitness Ridge is behind me (for now...don't be surprised if I go back next year for another week...I loved it that much!) I am settling into the rest of my vacation. Yesterday I drove to the Grand Canyon, a place I had always wanted to visit. The drive itself was spectacular (I even saw a herd of buffalo!) and the Canyon....it truly took my breath away. I don't even have words to describe how amazing it is (and if you've been reading my blog, you know I can usually ramble on about anything : ) If you've been to the Grand Canyon, you already understand. I felt very close to God, especially this morning when I was up to watch the sunrise and the paths were not yet filled with people yapping on their cell phones (those who could get service, that is)...hard not to feel the presence of a higher power when surrounded by something so astonishing, so beautiful.
As if that experience weren't enough, on a whim I decided to change my plans slightly and instead of staying at the North Rim another night, I drove to Zion National Park, which was just as mind-blowing. The pictures I took will never measure up to the splendor of the real thing, but they will help me remember how lucky I am to have had this wonderful experience.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Out of the Nest
I can't believe how quickly my week at Fitness Ridge has flown by. True, there were moments where I thought it would never end, but I'm preparing to depart tomorrow with mixed feelings. Sadness that I'm leaving this beautiful place and all the wonderful people I've just started to get to know in this short time. Excitement to enjoy the rest of my vacation without 7 hours of exercise every day. Pride in seeing how far I've come in a week, regardless of the numbers on the scale tomorrow morning when I test out. And confidence that I have learned what I need to learn, and that I have the drive and motivation to use the tools from Fitness Ridge to live a healthier life.
Tonight was Graduation, where they showed a DVD of everyone during the week (which I have a copy of and can't wait to share with my family and friends). And, everyone who wanted tonhad a chance ton stand up and share thrill thoughts on their time here. I was so inspired, and reminded again how happy I am to have had this experience. It's been one of the hardest but best weeks of my life, and I will not waste the lessons I learned.
By the way, if anyone has been toying with the idea of coming here after reading my posts, you should call soon..there's an 8 month waiting list to get in! (They require a $200 deposit to reserve a place). And be sure to mention my name--you'll get $100 off your stay (and so will I if I decide to come back!)
Thank you so much to each and every one of you who has sent an encouraging word over the past week. Your thoughts and prayers have kept me smiling.
Tonight was Graduation, where they showed a DVD of everyone during the week (which I have a copy of and can't wait to share with my family and friends). And, everyone who wanted tonhad a chance ton stand up and share thrill thoughts on their time here. I was so inspired, and reminded again how happy I am to have had this experience. It's been one of the hardest but best weeks of my life, and I will not waste the lessons I learned.
By the way, if anyone has been toying with the idea of coming here after reading my posts, you should call soon..there's an 8 month waiting list to get in! (They require a $200 deposit to reserve a place). And be sure to mention my name--you'll get $100 off your stay (and so will I if I decide to come back!)
Thank you so much to each and every one of you who has sent an encouraging word over the past week. Your thoughts and prayers have kept me smiling.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Stop Means Go
This morning I discovered just how much I've gotten out of this week. My group's Friday morning hike was the infamous "Stop Sign"--a hike I've been hearing about ever since I arrived at Fitness Ridge. It doesn't involve climbing up ravines or trudging throguh miles of sand, or scaling sandstone ledges...in fact, the route is completely paved. It's not the toughest hike offered at Fitness Ridge, from what I've heard.
What makes Stop Sign different from all the other hikes is that it's 4.2 miles that start out as rolling hills and end with a huge vertical climb for the last mile...the road doesn't flatten out again until you reach the very, very end. Stop Sign is also different because the guides drop us off, and send us on our way (this is so they can drive the resort vans up and down the mountain to check on us and, if needed, give struggling bikers a ride.
Stop Sign has a time limit. You have to reach the top by 10:00 or so (our drop off at the bottom was 8:15) so the vans can get everyone back in time for the next class. Those who really want to push themselves can try to get back to the bottom before 10:30. In my group (the slow group : ) we all just wanted to get to the top.
The first mile and a half of the hike was exhilirating. I got into my stride and found a pace that was steady and sustainable but also fast enough to get my heart rate going. I felt great! And then, the hills started. Not the little dips and curves of the start of the trail. I'm talking steep, glutes-on-fire hills that forced me to catch my breath several times. But I kept on, passing the 2 mile marker (which seemed a lot further away than the previous markers!) 2.5 miles seemed like it would never come. The hill got steeper, and the fire in my quads burned hotter. I cranked up the volume on my iPod to try to drown out the self-doubt that was starting to creep in. Could I really do this after all? Wasn't this meant for people who are in better shape than me? How am I ever going to make it to the top.
And that is the real secret of Stop Sign. It's as much a mental challenge as a physical one. You're out there on your own, in the hot sun, looking at nothing but the incredibly steep incline of pavement under your feet, wondering how in the world you're going to make it.
That's how it was to me, until I started remebering the words of Nicole, one of our amazing trainers, during yesterday's treading class. "It's ok to be uncomfortable...that means you're not holding anything back." And,"Imagine the people you love are waiting at the finish line. Are you going to quit, or are you going to sprint to the end and make them proud? When you picture the people there cheering for you, are YOU one of them?"
I was in pain, hot and tired with a mile of hill to go, and as I played Nicole's words over and over in my mind, and realized not only COULD I do this, I WOULD do it, and finish strong. I stepped up my pace and stopped thinking about the pain. I started saying out loud, "I'm worth it! I am strong. I can do this!" I'm not going to lie--it was so hard. So painful. But all of that melted away when I saw the roof of the guard shack that marked the end of the road. I had made it!
Today was one of the hardest single physical challenges I have ever undertaken. Finding the strength inside myself to push through the self doubt and pain was the perfect culmination to my experience here. It reminded me that I needed to be here, and I'm ready ton leave the nest, so to speak. Of all my amazing experiences at the Biggest Loser Resort, I think Stop Sign is the one I'll conjure up when I need to be reminded that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to.
What makes Stop Sign different from all the other hikes is that it's 4.2 miles that start out as rolling hills and end with a huge vertical climb for the last mile...the road doesn't flatten out again until you reach the very, very end. Stop Sign is also different because the guides drop us off, and send us on our way (this is so they can drive the resort vans up and down the mountain to check on us and, if needed, give struggling bikers a ride.
Stop Sign has a time limit. You have to reach the top by 10:00 or so (our drop off at the bottom was 8:15) so the vans can get everyone back in time for the next class. Those who really want to push themselves can try to get back to the bottom before 10:30. In my group (the slow group : ) we all just wanted to get to the top.
The first mile and a half of the hike was exhilirating. I got into my stride and found a pace that was steady and sustainable but also fast enough to get my heart rate going. I felt great! And then, the hills started. Not the little dips and curves of the start of the trail. I'm talking steep, glutes-on-fire hills that forced me to catch my breath several times. But I kept on, passing the 2 mile marker (which seemed a lot further away than the previous markers!) 2.5 miles seemed like it would never come. The hill got steeper, and the fire in my quads burned hotter. I cranked up the volume on my iPod to try to drown out the self-doubt that was starting to creep in. Could I really do this after all? Wasn't this meant for people who are in better shape than me? How am I ever going to make it to the top.
And that is the real secret of Stop Sign. It's as much a mental challenge as a physical one. You're out there on your own, in the hot sun, looking at nothing but the incredibly steep incline of pavement under your feet, wondering how in the world you're going to make it.
That's how it was to me, until I started remebering the words of Nicole, one of our amazing trainers, during yesterday's treading class. "It's ok to be uncomfortable...that means you're not holding anything back." And,"Imagine the people you love are waiting at the finish line. Are you going to quit, or are you going to sprint to the end and make them proud? When you picture the people there cheering for you, are YOU one of them?"
I was in pain, hot and tired with a mile of hill to go, and as I played Nicole's words over and over in my mind, and realized not only COULD I do this, I WOULD do it, and finish strong. I stepped up my pace and stopped thinking about the pain. I started saying out loud, "I'm worth it! I am strong. I can do this!" I'm not going to lie--it was so hard. So painful. But all of that melted away when I saw the roof of the guard shack that marked the end of the road. I had made it!
Today was one of the hardest single physical challenges I have ever undertaken. Finding the strength inside myself to push through the self doubt and pain was the perfect culmination to my experience here. It reminded me that I needed to be here, and I'm ready ton leave the nest, so to speak. Of all my amazing experiences at the Biggest Loser Resort, I think Stop Sign is the one I'll conjure up when I need to be reminded that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Breakthroughs
I cannot believe Thursday is almost over already. This week has gone so fast, even though there are certainly times during the day that we all pray and beg for it to be over with. Being here is as much a mental challenge as a physical one.In fact, we are told several times at the beginning of the week that nearly everyone who comes here has at least one moment when they cry uncontrollably.
Mine happened today during a mandatory class everyone dreads--Treading. Treading is a class saved for Thursday because if it happened Monday, everyone would want to go home.
What is Treading? It'S a 45 minute cardio class where, after a 5 minute warmup on the equipment of your choice, you do 5 minutes at the absolute max you can muster while the trainer tells you she's pretty sure you've got a little more in you. Then you get 5 minutes of active recovery (still moving, but slowly), and then you kick it up for 4 minutes at your absolute max, 4 minutes recovery, 3 min max/3 min recovery, and so on, until you end with two one minute sprints at your absolute top level of effort. I chose the elliptical machine because it's hard for me. I can do a few minutes in my Y classes, but I rarely choose it if I'm at the gym. I certainly have never done 45 minutes on one at once,a and I don't think I've ever gone past Level 8 of resistance in my life. Today, I listened to Nicole, an incredible trainer here (for Biggest Loser fans, Nicole reminds me so much of Jillian except she doesn't scream). As she told us to believe in ourselves and see what our bodies can really do when we stop telling ourselves we can't, I pushed myself so far past what I thought I was capable of--and certainly didn't know if I could sustain for the whole interval. I got to Level 19 on this machine that has been my nemesis...and I was completely overcome with emotion. I did something that felt impossible, and it made me believe I can come home and make this all work. It was the most incredible feeling. I am so proud of myself.
My other breakthrough of the week is that I finally feel like I know what it feels like to be hungry, and full. I have left food on my plate at almost every meal...and they're only feeding us 1200 calories a day. I feel confident that I have the tools I need to come home and live a healthy life, and the mental fortitude to stick to my plan and reach my goals.
I may not come home looking much different (there is only so much weight a person can lose in one week) but inside, I am completely transformed.
Mine happened today during a mandatory class everyone dreads--Treading. Treading is a class saved for Thursday because if it happened Monday, everyone would want to go home.
What is Treading? It'S a 45 minute cardio class where, after a 5 minute warmup on the equipment of your choice, you do 5 minutes at the absolute max you can muster while the trainer tells you she's pretty sure you've got a little more in you. Then you get 5 minutes of active recovery (still moving, but slowly), and then you kick it up for 4 minutes at your absolute max, 4 minutes recovery, 3 min max/3 min recovery, and so on, until you end with two one minute sprints at your absolute top level of effort. I chose the elliptical machine because it's hard for me. I can do a few minutes in my Y classes, but I rarely choose it if I'm at the gym. I certainly have never done 45 minutes on one at once,a and I don't think I've ever gone past Level 8 of resistance in my life. Today, I listened to Nicole, an incredible trainer here (for Biggest Loser fans, Nicole reminds me so much of Jillian except she doesn't scream). As she told us to believe in ourselves and see what our bodies can really do when we stop telling ourselves we can't, I pushed myself so far past what I thought I was capable of--and certainly didn't know if I could sustain for the whole interval. I got to Level 19 on this machine that has been my nemesis...and I was completely overcome with emotion. I did something that felt impossible, and it made me believe I can come home and make this all work. It was the most incredible feeling. I am so proud of myself.
My other breakthrough of the week is that I finally feel like I know what it feels like to be hungry, and full. I have left food on my plate at almost every meal...and they're only feeding us 1200 calories a day. I feel confident that I have the tools I need to come home and live a healthy life, and the mental fortitude to stick to my plan and reach my goals.
I may not come home looking much different (there is only so much weight a person can lose in one week) but inside, I am completely transformed.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Terrible Tuesday
Ever since I arrived at the Biggest Loser Resort I've been warned about "Terrible Tuesday." Monday is hard, but you run on adrenaline and somehow manage to think you had a good time. Tuesday hurts. Bad. You are reeling from muscles screaming in pain, even as you hurl yourself out of bed at 5:30 am to go to your mandatory 6 AM workout class...and 6 more hours of workouts after that.
So, I was feeling pretty smug when I woke up this morning in NO pain (thanks to my friend ibuprofen or, as the trainers here call it, "Vitamin I"). Feeling even better about myself when I was at the front of my hike group for most of the 8 am hike. No Terrible Tuesday for this gal...Tuesday is terrific!
And then, it started to go downhill. After 2 hours of hiking, a cardio class in the pool (did you know you can sweat in a pool?!), lunch, I met my match in Cardio Intervals...basically, 45 minutes of hell on the machine of your choice (this is like asking me if I want to be shot, stabbed or poisoned). That class was amazing, but it broke me. I felt completely spent, depleted, exhausted. But, lucky me, I had two more classes after that, neither of which was anwalk in the park. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die for about 15 minutes...we're only eating 1200 calories a day, but I can tell you that if I was not required to attend a lecture afterward, I would have skipped dinner and gone straight to bed. Yep, it's called Terriblr Tuesday for a very good reason!
And yet, I love it..even the feeling of working so hard throwing up would be a welcome relief. I love pushing my body way past what I imagined it was capable of, and I love the feeling I get when the workout is over. It's such a gift to be here, even for a week. I know My life will be forever changed after this experience.
And hey--tomorrow is Wonderful Wednesday (wonderful because I have a massage scheduled at the end of the day!)
Thank you all for your wonderful, supportive comments. I feel so lucky to have such a big groupnof cheerleaders rooting for me!
So, I was feeling pretty smug when I woke up this morning in NO pain (thanks to my friend ibuprofen or, as the trainers here call it, "Vitamin I"). Feeling even better about myself when I was at the front of my hike group for most of the 8 am hike. No Terrible Tuesday for this gal...Tuesday is terrific!
And then, it started to go downhill. After 2 hours of hiking, a cardio class in the pool (did you know you can sweat in a pool?!), lunch, I met my match in Cardio Intervals...basically, 45 minutes of hell on the machine of your choice (this is like asking me if I want to be shot, stabbed or poisoned). That class was amazing, but it broke me. I felt completely spent, depleted, exhausted. But, lucky me, I had two more classes after that, neither of which was anwalk in the park. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die for about 15 minutes...we're only eating 1200 calories a day, but I can tell you that if I was not required to attend a lecture afterward, I would have skipped dinner and gone straight to bed. Yep, it's called Terriblr Tuesday for a very good reason!
And yet, I love it..even the feeling of working so hard throwing up would be a welcome relief. I love pushing my body way past what I imagined it was capable of, and I love the feeling I get when the workout is over. It's such a gift to be here, even for a week. I know My life will be forever changed after this experience.
And hey--tomorrow is Wonderful Wednesday (wonderful because I have a massage scheduled at the end of the day!)
Thank you all for your wonderful, supportive comments. I feel so lucky to have such a big groupnof cheerleaders rooting for me!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Hard to believe
I still cannot believe I am in Utah, in 100 degree weather, at the Biggest Loser Resort. I cannot believe I met Sam, one of my favorite contestants from Season 9, at dinner and that he will be working out with my Blue Group all week!
I cannot believe THIS is my schedule for tomorrow:
6:00 AM Yogalates
7:00 AM Breakfast
8:00 AM Hike (about which I have heard many scary things!)
11:15 AM Stretch
12:15 PM Lunch
1:15 PM Lecture (Calorie Budgeting)
2:15 PM Intro to Circuit
2:3O PM Core Training
3:30 PM Deep Water Suspension (a pool workout, I'm told--sounds like a torture method!)
4:30 PM Circuit Training
5:30 PM Dinner
6:15 PM Lecture (spending your calories wisely)
I cannot believe how many great people I've already met.
I cannot believe our dinner was so delicious, or that it had only 500 calories (including a fabulous tiramisu!)
I cannot believe it's not even 9:00 and I am ready for bed...what will I feel like tomorrow night?
I cannot believe THIS is my schedule for tomorrow:
6:00 AM Yogalates
7:00 AM Breakfast
8:00 AM Hike (about which I have heard many scary things!)
11:15 AM Stretch
12:15 PM Lunch
1:15 PM Lecture (Calorie Budgeting)
2:15 PM Intro to Circuit
2:3O PM Core Training
3:30 PM Deep Water Suspension (a pool workout, I'm told--sounds like a torture method!)
4:30 PM Circuit Training
5:30 PM Dinner
6:15 PM Lecture (spending your calories wisely)
I cannot believe how many great people I've already met.
I cannot believe our dinner was so delicious, or that it had only 500 calories (including a fabulous tiramisu!)
I cannot believe it's not even 9:00 and I am ready for bed...what will I feel like tomorrow night?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Ready, Set, Sweat!
Today is not the first time it's occurred to me that I'm woefully overdue for a post. I would write it off as "it's been one of those summers," but it hasn't. It's been an incredible summer--not just for the weather, but for all the wonderful people who've come in and out of my life these last few months; for the two amazing races I participated in (I won't say "competed"--if you saw my published results, you'd agree!); and for the spiritual transformation that continues to surprise and delight me.
I've thought often about sitting down to write pages upon pages about one person who's really touched my heart at the Community Meals program, but I don't know that I can adequately express the odd friendship we've developed, or explain how much I can care about someone I barely know...or even why this individual among all those who have made such an impression upon me. Perhaps one of these days, soon, I'll find the right words.
I didn't write about my Tri for a Cure experience because I've told the story to so many people already. What started out as a heinous day (broken goggles in the middle of the ocean swim, a spill off my bike and a lousy attitude for the next 12 miles) turned into a wonderful experience when I met my "trail angel," Hazel, a first time tri-er and 4-year cancer survivor who asked if I'd walk the 5K with her.
And now, I'm less than 2 days away from my big Forty for 40 adventure of the year--my trip to The Biggest Loser Resort. I can't believe I've been thinking about this for 9+ months and, 48 hours from now, I'll be on a plane to Las Vegas. It's exciting, and overwhelming, and intimidating....but mostly, I'm thrilled at the opportunity to test my own limits, meet new people and experience something totally new. 6+ hours of exercise a DAY on a 1,200 calorie diet. Did I mention NO CAFFEINE? (Yes, the headache is finally gone...I think I'm caffeine-free!) How about OVER 100 DEGREE WEATHER?! Apparently, I am paying for the privilege of being tortured from 6 am - 7 pm daily for a week...and I can't wait!
If I can still move my arms at the end of the day, I promise to post updates on what the experience is like (and you KNOW I'll have some funny stories to tell...).
And maybe while I'm there, I'll find a way to put into words what a transformative experience this whole crazy Forty for 40 idea has turned into. Not in any of the ways I expected--it's been so much more.
I've thought often about sitting down to write pages upon pages about one person who's really touched my heart at the Community Meals program, but I don't know that I can adequately express the odd friendship we've developed, or explain how much I can care about someone I barely know...or even why this individual among all those who have made such an impression upon me. Perhaps one of these days, soon, I'll find the right words.
I didn't write about my Tri for a Cure experience because I've told the story to so many people already. What started out as a heinous day (broken goggles in the middle of the ocean swim, a spill off my bike and a lousy attitude for the next 12 miles) turned into a wonderful experience when I met my "trail angel," Hazel, a first time tri-er and 4-year cancer survivor who asked if I'd walk the 5K with her.
And now, I'm less than 2 days away from my big Forty for 40 adventure of the year--my trip to The Biggest Loser Resort. I can't believe I've been thinking about this for 9+ months and, 48 hours from now, I'll be on a plane to Las Vegas. It's exciting, and overwhelming, and intimidating....but mostly, I'm thrilled at the opportunity to test my own limits, meet new people and experience something totally new. 6+ hours of exercise a DAY on a 1,200 calorie diet. Did I mention NO CAFFEINE? (Yes, the headache is finally gone...I think I'm caffeine-free!) How about OVER 100 DEGREE WEATHER?! Apparently, I am paying for the privilege of being tortured from 6 am - 7 pm daily for a week...and I can't wait!
If I can still move my arms at the end of the day, I promise to post updates on what the experience is like (and you KNOW I'll have some funny stories to tell...).
And maybe while I'm there, I'll find a way to put into words what a transformative experience this whole crazy Forty for 40 idea has turned into. Not in any of the ways I expected--it's been so much more.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Life Lessons
I’ve been asked, “How’s your Forty for 40 Challenge going?” enough times recently to get the hint that I’m way overdue for a new post. (Thanks, by the way...it’s nice to know you are paying attention and keeping me honest!)
For those of you keeping track, I have actually accomplished a fair number of things on my list, and many others (like my fitness vacation and running a half marathon) are planned for later in the year. It’s been a run ride so far, and I definitely plan to keep at it through the end of 2010.
I put this list together, in part, to keep myself accountable. Posting a list for the world to see would ensure that I did all of the items on the list, if for no other reason than pride or stubbornness. Wouldn’t it?
The truth is there are a few things I said I’d do that, looking back, I know I wrote down just to make my list a nice even 40 items. Reading 40 books from the BBC list, for example—while I have loved a few of the books I’ve read, there are others that I have not enjoyed but I kept plodding through, ignoring the non-BBC books that have been calling to me for weeks.
And then I had an epiphany. I don’t have to do anything on this list just because I wrote it down. I don’t owe anyone an explanation if I change the list midstream, or choose not to do a few of the things because I’ve discovered they’re no longer important to me. After all, what’s more important in the end is that I look back on this as a year of personal growth and joyful moments—not that I checked off a list of 40 things I wrote down in November, even if ten of them made me miserable, or bored me to tears. And, try as I might, I really don’t love running…so if I walk half of my half marathon instead of killing myself to run it at a pace I’ve never achieved in any event, it’s still a huge accomplishment.
So, I’m continuing this challenge with a sense of liberation—liberation from my own stubbornness and fear of admitting I can’t do it all. It’s not failure to admit I didn’t have all the answers six months ago—in fact, I’d content that the best success of all is acknowledging that I’m learning as I go along, and that staying committed to my own happiness is more important than checking items off a list.
For those of you keeping track, I have actually accomplished a fair number of things on my list, and many others (like my fitness vacation and running a half marathon) are planned for later in the year. It’s been a run ride so far, and I definitely plan to keep at it through the end of 2010.
I put this list together, in part, to keep myself accountable. Posting a list for the world to see would ensure that I did all of the items on the list, if for no other reason than pride or stubbornness. Wouldn’t it?
The truth is there are a few things I said I’d do that, looking back, I know I wrote down just to make my list a nice even 40 items. Reading 40 books from the BBC list, for example—while I have loved a few of the books I’ve read, there are others that I have not enjoyed but I kept plodding through, ignoring the non-BBC books that have been calling to me for weeks.
And then I had an epiphany. I don’t have to do anything on this list just because I wrote it down. I don’t owe anyone an explanation if I change the list midstream, or choose not to do a few of the things because I’ve discovered they’re no longer important to me. After all, what’s more important in the end is that I look back on this as a year of personal growth and joyful moments—not that I checked off a list of 40 things I wrote down in November, even if ten of them made me miserable, or bored me to tears. And, try as I might, I really don’t love running…so if I walk half of my half marathon instead of killing myself to run it at a pace I’ve never achieved in any event, it’s still a huge accomplishment.
So, I’m continuing this challenge with a sense of liberation—liberation from my own stubbornness and fear of admitting I can’t do it all. It’s not failure to admit I didn’t have all the answers six months ago—in fact, I’d content that the best success of all is acknowledging that I’m learning as I go along, and that staying committed to my own happiness is more important than checking items off a list.
Monday, April 26, 2010
It didn't hurt a bit....
So....I'm 40 now.
I had intended to write something on my actual birthday, something profound and pithy about how I felt now that I had hit the big milestone birthday on which I've fixated for months. But, the truth is, I was having too much fun actually CELEBRATING my birthday to take time to blog. Hopefully you agree that I made the right choice :)
While I can't say I feel any differently than I did 11 days ago, when I was still thirtysomething, I do have to admit I feel different. Sort of. I've never been someone who was overly concerned about what other people think--I'm the classic Myers-Briggs introvert, drawing my strength from within myself rather than from those around me. But lately, I've noticed that I'm more decisive and comfortable making decisions based on me first, and confident that if I do, I'll be better equipped to help the others around me. It's kind of like the oxygen masks on airplanes--you're supposed to put your own mask on before you help anyone else.
My birthday celebration reminded me how blessed I am--blessed by good health, a sense of humor, and more friends and family who love me than I can count. And I'm blessed by a desire to keep pushing myself. I've made a big dent in my Forty for 40 list, but there's still a lot left to do. As I look at the list and realize how many tasks I still have to accomplish, I'm excited. That means I didn't make this challenge too easy. I know there are some things I will attack with more zeal than others....and I'm ok with that. My life has been enriched directly as a result of creating this challenge, sharing it with others, and trying to make the most of every opportunity. I'm learning new things about myself every day--and I can't wait to see what surprises are in store over the next eight months.
I had intended to write something on my actual birthday, something profound and pithy about how I felt now that I had hit the big milestone birthday on which I've fixated for months. But, the truth is, I was having too much fun actually CELEBRATING my birthday to take time to blog. Hopefully you agree that I made the right choice :)
While I can't say I feel any differently than I did 11 days ago, when I was still thirtysomething, I do have to admit I feel different. Sort of. I've never been someone who was overly concerned about what other people think--I'm the classic Myers-Briggs introvert, drawing my strength from within myself rather than from those around me. But lately, I've noticed that I'm more decisive and comfortable making decisions based on me first, and confident that if I do, I'll be better equipped to help the others around me. It's kind of like the oxygen masks on airplanes--you're supposed to put your own mask on before you help anyone else.
My birthday celebration reminded me how blessed I am--blessed by good health, a sense of humor, and more friends and family who love me than I can count. And I'm blessed by a desire to keep pushing myself. I've made a big dent in my Forty for 40 list, but there's still a lot left to do. As I look at the list and realize how many tasks I still have to accomplish, I'm excited. That means I didn't make this challenge too easy. I know there are some things I will attack with more zeal than others....and I'm ok with that. My life has been enriched directly as a result of creating this challenge, sharing it with others, and trying to make the most of every opportunity. I'm learning new things about myself every day--and I can't wait to see what surprises are in store over the next eight months.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Write Stuff
I can tell you the exact day when I knew I wanted to be a writer. I was in third grade, and we had been writing short stories in class. My story, about a girl named PJ, a tiny Cupid and a solid-gold heart (I was 8, ok?), earned a standing ovation from my classmates as I read it out loud. I had never experienced anything like the mixture of pride, amazement, fulfillment I felt as I stood before my classmates. I felt like I had found my niche—something I was really good at that other people would appreciate. For the remainder of elementary school, I wrote plays, poems, stories and books (several of which live on in a scrapbook my mom returned to me several years ago) which I gladly shared with anyone who would read them. I am going to be a writer.
Sadly, the older I got, the less prolific I became---partly because life simply got too hectic, but mostly because my writing became self-conscious. The glow of applause from appreciative classmates faded into a constant, unspoken fear that I had nothing to say—nothing that anyone else would care to read, anyway. I wrote the occasional short story, and have kept a journal sporadically from high school through adulthood, but I seldom wrote anything I felt was worth sharing. Trying to break out of my shell and follow my childhood dream, I joined a writing group for a short period of time in my late 20s, but never felt like I could get out of my own way long enough to let a story flow, uninhibited, out of me. It didn’t help that I’d always been a voracious reader—with each wonderful novel I enjoyed, my fear of not having a novel in me only grew; I didn’t think I could measure up to any of the authors who were talented enough to get published.
Ironically, I’ve continued, throughout my life, to tell people I want to be a writer…even when I haven’t written anything in months…years. I even included a couple of writing-related challenges in my Forty for 40 list, even though I wasn’t sure I would really follow through on them.
I’m grateful my friend Sue—one of my dear, dear Wells sisters, read my blog and issued a challenge of her own just before 2010 began. You see, Sue also wanted to write as a creative outlet, but also found life getting in the way far too often. So, she proposed, what if we help each other by being writing buddies—sharing our stories and giving each other constructive feedback.
I loved the idea—even though it was scary. After all, if I was accountable to someone other than myself, I’d HAVE to write, right? Someone would be paying attention. Someone would be reading my not-ready-for-the-bookstore stories. Someone would know my dream was still alive in there somewhere.
It took us a little longer than we hoped—procrastinators that we are—but Sue and I just had our first “writing group” phone call this afternoon. I think we surprised ourselves—I know I did, anyway—and we both rediscovered how much we love writing for writing’s sake. It’s wonderful to be taking this journey together—wherever it ends up taking us. I’m already looking forward to our next meeting in a month, and even more important—I’m looking forward to writing more and seeing where the story goes from here.
Sadly, the older I got, the less prolific I became---partly because life simply got too hectic, but mostly because my writing became self-conscious. The glow of applause from appreciative classmates faded into a constant, unspoken fear that I had nothing to say—nothing that anyone else would care to read, anyway. I wrote the occasional short story, and have kept a journal sporadically from high school through adulthood, but I seldom wrote anything I felt was worth sharing. Trying to break out of my shell and follow my childhood dream, I joined a writing group for a short period of time in my late 20s, but never felt like I could get out of my own way long enough to let a story flow, uninhibited, out of me. It didn’t help that I’d always been a voracious reader—with each wonderful novel I enjoyed, my fear of not having a novel in me only grew; I didn’t think I could measure up to any of the authors who were talented enough to get published.
Ironically, I’ve continued, throughout my life, to tell people I want to be a writer…even when I haven’t written anything in months…years. I even included a couple of writing-related challenges in my Forty for 40 list, even though I wasn’t sure I would really follow through on them.
I’m grateful my friend Sue—one of my dear, dear Wells sisters, read my blog and issued a challenge of her own just before 2010 began. You see, Sue also wanted to write as a creative outlet, but also found life getting in the way far too often. So, she proposed, what if we help each other by being writing buddies—sharing our stories and giving each other constructive feedback.
I loved the idea—even though it was scary. After all, if I was accountable to someone other than myself, I’d HAVE to write, right? Someone would be paying attention. Someone would be reading my not-ready-for-the-bookstore stories. Someone would know my dream was still alive in there somewhere.
It took us a little longer than we hoped—procrastinators that we are—but Sue and I just had our first “writing group” phone call this afternoon. I think we surprised ourselves—I know I did, anyway—and we both rediscovered how much we love writing for writing’s sake. It’s wonderful to be taking this journey together—wherever it ends up taking us. I’m already looking forward to our next meeting in a month, and even more important—I’m looking forward to writing more and seeing where the story goes from here.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
My Forty for 40 soundtrack
I almost forgot...my friend Kim requested that I post the songs on my Forty for 40 playlist...songs mainly suggested by my friends; songs by artists I'd never heard of three months ago, or songs I haven't listened to in a LONG time.
"All the Pretty Girls"--Fun.
"Should be Loved"--Blue October
"Superwoman"--Alicia Keys
"Empire State of Mind"-Jay-Z
"Underwater"--Midnight Oil
"Don't Wait too Long"--Madeleine Peyroux
"What Will They Write On Your Stone"--The Brilliant Mistakes
"Alejandro"--Lady GaGa
"Such Great Heights"--The Postal Service
"U + UR Hand"--Pink
"Somewhere Trouble Don't Go"--The Gibson Brothers
'Diablo Rojo"--Rodrigo y Gabriela
"Physical"--Olivia Newton John
"I Wish For"-Bai Kamara
"Love Drunk"--Boys Like Girls
"Hold Me Down"--Gin Blossoms
"Meteor Shower"--Owl City
"Better Things"--Dar Williams
"Stranded (Haiti Mon Amour)"--Jay-Z, Bono, The Egde, Rihanna
"Viva la Vida"--Coldplay
"My Generation"--The Who
"You Gotta Believe"--The Rocket Summer
"Zanzibar"--Billy Joel
I should also give a special shout-out to Kim for making me an entire compilation, which I affectionately refer to as "Ff40 II: It's Only a Number". Kim---your songs are my go-to workout tunes!! I go for a FIVE and think of you :)
And another thank you to Dana for providing me several CDs of some of her favorites, which I love!
Enjoy! If you have any songs to suggest, please let me know!
"All the Pretty Girls"--Fun.
"Should be Loved"--Blue October
"Superwoman"--Alicia Keys
"Empire State of Mind"-Jay-Z
"Underwater"--Midnight Oil
"Don't Wait too Long"--Madeleine Peyroux
"What Will They Write On Your Stone"--The Brilliant Mistakes
"Alejandro"--Lady GaGa
"Such Great Heights"--The Postal Service
"U + UR Hand"--Pink
"Somewhere Trouble Don't Go"--The Gibson Brothers
'Diablo Rojo"--Rodrigo y Gabriela
"Physical"--Olivia Newton John
"I Wish For"-Bai Kamara
"Love Drunk"--Boys Like Girls
"Hold Me Down"--Gin Blossoms
"Meteor Shower"--Owl City
"Better Things"--Dar Williams
"Stranded (Haiti Mon Amour)"--Jay-Z, Bono, The Egde, Rihanna
"Viva la Vida"--Coldplay
"My Generation"--The Who
"You Gotta Believe"--The Rocket Summer
"Zanzibar"--Billy Joel
I should also give a special shout-out to Kim for making me an entire compilation, which I affectionately refer to as "Ff40 II: It's Only a Number". Kim---your songs are my go-to workout tunes!! I go for a FIVE and think of you :)
And another thank you to Dana for providing me several CDs of some of her favorites, which I love!
Enjoy! If you have any songs to suggest, please let me know!
"Spiritual but not Religious"
When I started Forty for 40, I was most interested in completing the fitness-related challenges and, to be honest, some of the other items on my list were added as afterthoughts...space-fillers to round out my list to 40 items. Ironically, it's some of those "afterthoughts" that are turning out to be the life-changers.
Take, for instance, "Go to church at least 4 times that aren't holidays." I can't really tell you why I put that on the list. I haven't been a regular church-goer since I don't know when, despite the fact that I was raised in the United Methodist faith and, in my youth, church was a regular part of my life--Sunday School, Sunday morning services, youth group, church suppers, weekend rallies and summer camp. Even as an adult, there was a period of time when I would attend church with my friends (though, if I'm being perfectly candid, I think that was as much about going out to brunch afterward as it was about getting closer to God).
I have never stopped believing in God, or praying or having faith that there's some bigger force out there. I have been more than content to label myself as "spiritual but not religious" whenever the topic came up...and somehow, I think I convinced myself that that's all I wanted to be. I was uncomfortable with calling myself a "Christian" because I have too many questions about what that means...and I somehow convinced myself that you need to KNOW the answer to get anything out of organized religion.
And then, last week, my sister invited me to go to church with her and her friend, Cara, since they were going to be in Portland. She had mentioned this church, New Light, to me before--the ministers are her friend, Allen, and his wife, Sara. I accepted (thinking, "great...one more thing to check off my 40 list!" Little did I know....)
So, I went to this church that meets in a space called Hope.Gate.Way...it's located in the lower level of a parking garage. (Yes, really). Needless to say, I was dubious...more so because I was expecting something "new-agey" or fundamentalist than because of the location (which, as it turns out, is a lovely, warm, art-filled space without a concrete barricade in sight!)
What I found instead was a wonderful, welcoming group of people as diverse as the neighborhood in which Hope.Gate.Way is located. More importantly, I found a faith community that ENCOURAGES questions, even the most profound questions about God and Jesus and faith itself. And, within myself, I discovered how much I had missed (without realizing it) the spiritual connection that can only come from worshipping with others, no matter how much I was convinced that my personal relationship with God was enough.
I know that all of this is going to sound strange (at best) to some of you reading this, but my experience last week was transformative. I can't really explain what changed inside me, but I can feel it. I didn't realize how much I craved a spiritual home, a comfortable, safe place to celebrate my own faith while working through my ongoing questions about what it means to love God. I didn't realize I was envious of my sister, who had this life-changing feeling at a much younger age and who has devoted a significant portion of her life to youth ministry as a result (read her blog, My Life In Youth Ministry, for more on this...it's funny, touching and heartfelt--she's a great writer!)
I have no idea what kind of impact this will ultimately have on my life...all I know is that I can feel a lightness in my heart that wasn't there a week ago, and that can only be a good thing.
Take, for instance, "Go to church at least 4 times that aren't holidays." I can't really tell you why I put that on the list. I haven't been a regular church-goer since I don't know when, despite the fact that I was raised in the United Methodist faith and, in my youth, church was a regular part of my life--Sunday School, Sunday morning services, youth group, church suppers, weekend rallies and summer camp. Even as an adult, there was a period of time when I would attend church with my friends (though, if I'm being perfectly candid, I think that was as much about going out to brunch afterward as it was about getting closer to God).
I have never stopped believing in God, or praying or having faith that there's some bigger force out there. I have been more than content to label myself as "spiritual but not religious" whenever the topic came up...and somehow, I think I convinced myself that that's all I wanted to be. I was uncomfortable with calling myself a "Christian" because I have too many questions about what that means...and I somehow convinced myself that you need to KNOW the answer to get anything out of organized religion.
And then, last week, my sister invited me to go to church with her and her friend, Cara, since they were going to be in Portland. She had mentioned this church, New Light, to me before--the ministers are her friend, Allen, and his wife, Sara. I accepted (thinking, "great...one more thing to check off my 40 list!" Little did I know....)
So, I went to this church that meets in a space called Hope.Gate.Way...it's located in the lower level of a parking garage. (Yes, really). Needless to say, I was dubious...more so because I was expecting something "new-agey" or fundamentalist than because of the location (which, as it turns out, is a lovely, warm, art-filled space without a concrete barricade in sight!)
What I found instead was a wonderful, welcoming group of people as diverse as the neighborhood in which Hope.Gate.Way is located. More importantly, I found a faith community that ENCOURAGES questions, even the most profound questions about God and Jesus and faith itself. And, within myself, I discovered how much I had missed (without realizing it) the spiritual connection that can only come from worshipping with others, no matter how much I was convinced that my personal relationship with God was enough.
I know that all of this is going to sound strange (at best) to some of you reading this, but my experience last week was transformative. I can't really explain what changed inside me, but I can feel it. I didn't realize how much I craved a spiritual home, a comfortable, safe place to celebrate my own faith while working through my ongoing questions about what it means to love God. I didn't realize I was envious of my sister, who had this life-changing feeling at a much younger age and who has devoted a significant portion of her life to youth ministry as a result (read her blog, My Life In Youth Ministry, for more on this...it's funny, touching and heartfelt--she's a great writer!)
I have no idea what kind of impact this will ultimately have on my life...all I know is that I can feel a lightness in my heart that wasn't there a week ago, and that can only be a good thing.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
In like a lion
I have no idea what happened to the month of February (and my "regular" blog posts) but I can assure you, if you're keeping track, that Forty for 40 is still in full swing despite my lack of reporting (thank you to the handful of you who noticed and have gently reminded me that I'm overdue for an update!)
February was not a great month for me as far as my fitness goals are concerned--unfortunately, it was a little too easy to sleep in some mornings when it was cold and windy out, and I felt like hibernating rather than sweating. Happily, I feel like I've pushed past that--this morning, I noticed how much lighter the sky is at 5:45 AM, which makes me want to be out and about (ok, so I wouldn't mind sleeping an extra hour, but it's certainly easier to get up and moving when it's not pitch black and 20 degrees outside!) Getting in a hard workout at the gym this morning (Tabatas, of all things...if you don't know what they are, here's an article that explains them better than I could). And I'm getting the urge to go running...which is a good thing, since my first 5K will be here before I know it!
In the meantime, I've been spending a lot of time meeting new people--I've actually lost count, but I must be close to 40 already (even if I only count people I meet in places other than through my job). It's a wonderful feeling, for someone who has always been reserved bordering on shy, to find that once I've challenged myself to be more open, I actually ENJOY it. I'm finding that I can work past the fear of rejection, which in the past would have led me to talk my way out of lots of fun things, such as this past weekend, where I overnighted in Freeport with a group of wonderful women who I only knew casually, or not at all, through knitting. A year ago, I would never have gone through with it--but this year, even with the last minute knot in my stomach at the thought of staying in close quarters with "strangers", I forged ahead and had the best time, and now I have a dozen new friends to show for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, indeed.
I've completed my training to become a mentor through the LearningWorks program here in Portland, toward my goal of volunteering at least 40 hours for an organization that's important to me. I'll be matched, hopefully this month, with an immigrant (either adult or adolescent) who needs help learning English, understanding the city and just sharing cultural experiences. I'm nervous, but really excited about this opportunity....stay tuned for more news once I get matched up.
Finally, I've started on my reading list. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I was reading Correlli's Mandolin. For about 6 weeks, I kept plodding along, a few pages at a time, because, well...it's on the list. And then one day, it dawned on me: I don't have to finish this book just to check it off my list. Perhaps the most valuable lesson I've learned so far--having goals written down is great, and valuable--but sometimes it's just time to move on. Sounds silly, but it was so liberating to me to acknowledge that sometimes trying is enough; Forty for 40 is, above all else, supposed to be FUN. No one is keeping score; no one will think I failed because I only read 39 books (or even 30). I guess you CAN teach a 39 year old dog new tricks after all.
As always, I'm grateful to you for reading this, and for being part of this adventure with me. Peace and love to you all.
February was not a great month for me as far as my fitness goals are concerned--unfortunately, it was a little too easy to sleep in some mornings when it was cold and windy out, and I felt like hibernating rather than sweating. Happily, I feel like I've pushed past that--this morning, I noticed how much lighter the sky is at 5:45 AM, which makes me want to be out and about (ok, so I wouldn't mind sleeping an extra hour, but it's certainly easier to get up and moving when it's not pitch black and 20 degrees outside!) Getting in a hard workout at the gym this morning (Tabatas, of all things...if you don't know what they are, here's an article that explains them better than I could). And I'm getting the urge to go running...which is a good thing, since my first 5K will be here before I know it!
In the meantime, I've been spending a lot of time meeting new people--I've actually lost count, but I must be close to 40 already (even if I only count people I meet in places other than through my job). It's a wonderful feeling, for someone who has always been reserved bordering on shy, to find that once I've challenged myself to be more open, I actually ENJOY it. I'm finding that I can work past the fear of rejection, which in the past would have led me to talk my way out of lots of fun things, such as this past weekend, where I overnighted in Freeport with a group of wonderful women who I only knew casually, or not at all, through knitting. A year ago, I would never have gone through with it--but this year, even with the last minute knot in my stomach at the thought of staying in close quarters with "strangers", I forged ahead and had the best time, and now I have a dozen new friends to show for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, indeed.
I've completed my training to become a mentor through the LearningWorks program here in Portland, toward my goal of volunteering at least 40 hours for an organization that's important to me. I'll be matched, hopefully this month, with an immigrant (either adult or adolescent) who needs help learning English, understanding the city and just sharing cultural experiences. I'm nervous, but really excited about this opportunity....stay tuned for more news once I get matched up.
Finally, I've started on my reading list. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I was reading Correlli's Mandolin. For about 6 weeks, I kept plodding along, a few pages at a time, because, well...it's on the list. And then one day, it dawned on me: I don't have to finish this book just to check it off my list. Perhaps the most valuable lesson I've learned so far--having goals written down is great, and valuable--but sometimes it's just time to move on. Sounds silly, but it was so liberating to me to acknowledge that sometimes trying is enough; Forty for 40 is, above all else, supposed to be FUN. No one is keeping score; no one will think I failed because I only read 39 books (or even 30). I guess you CAN teach a 39 year old dog new tricks after all.
As always, I'm grateful to you for reading this, and for being part of this adventure with me. Peace and love to you all.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Make new friends and keep the old...
(apologies to all the former Girl Scouts who now have that "Silver and Gold" song stuck in their heads!)
If I'd forgotten how many amazing women I have in my life, this week was a wonderful reminder.
Last weekend, I accomplished another of my forty goals by reconnecting with my Wells College sisters at a gathering in Boston. It's funny how you can forget how much you missed certain people until you see them again, especially after a 15+ year absence...that's how it was seeing Jessi and Renee. What was truly wonderful was realizing that our connection was still there...we didn't simply spend the whole evening reminiscing and laughing about our college days (though there was plenty of that, too). You know what I mean...don't we all have old friends who were SO important to us at one point in our lives, but as the years pass, you realize all you have in common is that you grew up in the same neighborhood, or had a crush on the same boy in junior high? Not to say that's a terrible thing...it's life. We grow in different directions, and it's ok. But I'm thankful that some of my most cherished Wells friendships are deeper than time or space--sure, it's not the same as when we lived on the same hallway and shared a bathroom, but that's a good thing.
As if a dose of Wells wasn't enough to buoy me through a hectic week, I made many new friends at the YMCA's Strongest Women contest this week. I entered the contest, like most of them, to push myself a little bit and see just how strong I could be if I put my mind to to it (and, like most of us, we also wanted to support the Y's most awesome fitness specialist, Jesse Wall, the mastermind behind this contest!) It was so much more than any of us expected. There aren't nearly enough opportunities for women to celebrate being strong--really strong!--and be surrounded by others who are cheering for us to push way beyond what we think we are capable of. I don't think there was a single woman who participated who didn't amaze herself at least once--nor was there a woman who didn't inspire all the rest of us. I can't even fully explain how transformational the event was for me. Just amazing. Thanks, Jesse...and thank you to all the women (you know who you are!) who made it so much more than a weight lifting contest.
It's been quite a month...I have accomplished more of my 40 goals than I expected, adn yet I have a long way to go. For those of you who've told me you're making your own lists after reading about my journey--first of all, thank you for taking the time to tell me I've inspired you in some way. That's a gift that I treasure more than you can possibly imagine. Secondly--please let me know how you're progressing! Take it from me...the experience is that much more powerful when you share it with others.
Be well!
If I'd forgotten how many amazing women I have in my life, this week was a wonderful reminder.
Last weekend, I accomplished another of my forty goals by reconnecting with my Wells College sisters at a gathering in Boston. It's funny how you can forget how much you missed certain people until you see them again, especially after a 15+ year absence...that's how it was seeing Jessi and Renee. What was truly wonderful was realizing that our connection was still there...we didn't simply spend the whole evening reminiscing and laughing about our college days (though there was plenty of that, too). You know what I mean...don't we all have old friends who were SO important to us at one point in our lives, but as the years pass, you realize all you have in common is that you grew up in the same neighborhood, or had a crush on the same boy in junior high? Not to say that's a terrible thing...it's life. We grow in different directions, and it's ok. But I'm thankful that some of my most cherished Wells friendships are deeper than time or space--sure, it's not the same as when we lived on the same hallway and shared a bathroom, but that's a good thing.
As if a dose of Wells wasn't enough to buoy me through a hectic week, I made many new friends at the YMCA's Strongest Women contest this week. I entered the contest, like most of them, to push myself a little bit and see just how strong I could be if I put my mind to to it (and, like most of us, we also wanted to support the Y's most awesome fitness specialist, Jesse Wall, the mastermind behind this contest!) It was so much more than any of us expected. There aren't nearly enough opportunities for women to celebrate being strong--really strong!--and be surrounded by others who are cheering for us to push way beyond what we think we are capable of. I don't think there was a single woman who participated who didn't amaze herself at least once--nor was there a woman who didn't inspire all the rest of us. I can't even fully explain how transformational the event was for me. Just amazing. Thanks, Jesse...and thank you to all the women (you know who you are!) who made it so much more than a weight lifting contest.
It's been quite a month...I have accomplished more of my 40 goals than I expected, adn yet I have a long way to go. For those of you who've told me you're making your own lists after reading about my journey--first of all, thank you for taking the time to tell me I've inspired you in some way. That's a gift that I treasure more than you can possibly imagine. Secondly--please let me know how you're progressing! Take it from me...the experience is that much more powerful when you share it with others.
Be well!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Motivation
A couple of weeks ago, when I was getting ready to start my Forty for 40 Challenge, I purchased a large glass jar with a lid (it reminds me of the kind of container you'd see in an old fashioned candy store, full of jawbreakers or jellybeans or some other colorful treats). Every day since January 1, I've spent a few moments at the end of the day thinking of something I'm thankful for, or something I need from God, or the universe, or myself, and I write that thought down on a slip of colored paper, fold it and put it in the jar. It's become a part of my routine I look forward to every single day--to really spend a few moments in quiet contemplation, focusing on what it is that's helping me move forward, or what it is that's holding me back from taking the next step toward my goals.
Yesterday, I asked for motivation. This was a challenging week---work has been hectic (I'm not complaining--it's job security to be so busy!), which has left me feeling off-track. I have had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning to exercise, which in a couple of instances led to no-workout days, and keeping to my healthy eating plan has been a struggle (small victory--I've stuck to my commitment of tracking everything I eat, so at least I'm conscious of my choices...and when I step back to look at the week I am, overall, doing better than I thought). It's also meant I have spent too much time watching TV at the end of an exhausting day, instead of reading, or writing, or any of the other things I could be doing toward reaching my 40 goals.
Amazingly, I've found that the simple act of admitting I'm feeling unfocused has helped me regain the motivation I need to press on. A positive, if unintended, consequence of this emotional treat jar I've created for myself.
I know I'll be saying this often throughout the year, but THANK YOU to each of you who has taken the time to post a word of encouragement or praise about this blog and the idea of Forty for 40. While the ultimate motivation has to come from within myself, knowing you're out there following along is something for which I'm incredibly grateful.
Yesterday, I asked for motivation. This was a challenging week---work has been hectic (I'm not complaining--it's job security to be so busy!), which has left me feeling off-track. I have had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning to exercise, which in a couple of instances led to no-workout days, and keeping to my healthy eating plan has been a struggle (small victory--I've stuck to my commitment of tracking everything I eat, so at least I'm conscious of my choices...and when I step back to look at the week I am, overall, doing better than I thought). It's also meant I have spent too much time watching TV at the end of an exhausting day, instead of reading, or writing, or any of the other things I could be doing toward reaching my 40 goals.
Amazingly, I've found that the simple act of admitting I'm feeling unfocused has helped me regain the motivation I need to press on. A positive, if unintended, consequence of this emotional treat jar I've created for myself.
I know I'll be saying this often throughout the year, but THANK YOU to each of you who has taken the time to post a word of encouragement or praise about this blog and the idea of Forty for 40. While the ultimate motivation has to come from within myself, knowing you're out there following along is something for which I'm incredibly grateful.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Off to a great start
Week one of Forty for 40 is in the books. There was a moment earlier this week where I truly wondered what I'd gotten myself into...and why on earth I had decided to post a blog for the world to see whether or not I actually accomplish my goals.
Fortunately, that moment passed quickly. The truth is, I didn't really think anyone would read the blog, except maybe a few of my closest friends and family. Receiving positive comments and kudos from people I didn't expect has been a wonderful gift, and a powerful motivator. I appreciate each of you who has taken the time to share a comment, or told me I've given you a dose of inspiration. Knowing you're out there is making this even more rewarding, even just one week in.
Here's what I've accomplished so far toward my Forty for 40 list:
-lost 6 lbs (and 2.5 inches)
-exercised 40 minutes every day except one (and believe me, I needed the rest that day!)
-booked my fitness vacation. I'll be spending a week at Fitness Ridge (aka the Biggest Loser Resort) in southern Utah in early September.
-1/3 of the way through Corelli's Mandolin from my reading list
-written my "40 things I like about myself" list
-committed one random act of kindness
-received my first $40 donation to the Ronald McDonald House of Portland (thanks again to my wonderful sister for helping get this started!)
-registered for the 5K I'll be doing with my dad in June
-downloaded 20 new songs/artists suggested by my friends (listening to them right now--love them!!)
-meditated every day..still working on getting to 40 minutes a day, but I'm trying!
-written about 10 pages toward my goal of 40 for the month
-transferred an extra $40 to a separate savings account
-filled out an application to volunteer as a mentor at LearningWorks, an organization in Portland that provides support to at-risk teens and immigrants. My interview is Friday!
Fortunately, that moment passed quickly. The truth is, I didn't really think anyone would read the blog, except maybe a few of my closest friends and family. Receiving positive comments and kudos from people I didn't expect has been a wonderful gift, and a powerful motivator. I appreciate each of you who has taken the time to share a comment, or told me I've given you a dose of inspiration. Knowing you're out there is making this even more rewarding, even just one week in.
Here's what I've accomplished so far toward my Forty for 40 list:
-lost 6 lbs (and 2.5 inches)
-exercised 40 minutes every day except one (and believe me, I needed the rest that day!)
-booked my fitness vacation. I'll be spending a week at Fitness Ridge (aka the Biggest Loser Resort) in southern Utah in early September.
-1/3 of the way through Corelli's Mandolin from my reading list
-written my "40 things I like about myself" list
-committed one random act of kindness
-received my first $40 donation to the Ronald McDonald House of Portland (thanks again to my wonderful sister for helping get this started!)
-registered for the 5K I'll be doing with my dad in June
-downloaded 20 new songs/artists suggested by my friends (listening to them right now--love them!!)
-meditated every day..still working on getting to 40 minutes a day, but I'm trying!
-written about 10 pages toward my goal of 40 for the month
-transferred an extra $40 to a separate savings account
-filled out an application to volunteer as a mentor at LearningWorks, an organization in Portland that provides support to at-risk teens and immigrants. My interview is Friday!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Keep moving!
I have to admit, I figured that a few of the items on my Forty for 40 list would be, relatively speaking, easy to accomplish, which is why (in the spirit of personal challenge) I listed them as daily events. Specifically, "exercising 40 minutes every day" and "meditating 40 minutes every day". How hard could that be?
Apparently, harder than I thought..especially the meditation. Turns out, it's hard to sit still for 40 minutes and be alone with your thoughts (especially if your objective is to clear your mind!) I'm trying...but even 20 minutes is hard to do without getting twitchy (or falling asleep on the couch!)
40 minutes of exercise is, by comparison, easy, aside from days like today when I overslept my alarm and was never able to escape my office long enough to get in a decent workout at the Y (I consider it a small victory that I DID bring my gym bag to work...I wanted to go, honest!) So...now it's almost 6:30 and I'm the last straggler out of the office. Making myself work out at home will be tough as my comfy couch, my purring kitties, and my DVRd shows await (yes, I'm a closet "General Hospital" addict...so sue me :)
What will keep me off the couch--for at least 40 minutes--is the way I feel after this first week of really eating well, focusing on my physical and mental health, and being focused on my longer term goals. That, and knowing you guys are out there following along!
Apparently, harder than I thought..especially the meditation. Turns out, it's hard to sit still for 40 minutes and be alone with your thoughts (especially if your objective is to clear your mind!) I'm trying...but even 20 minutes is hard to do without getting twitchy (or falling asleep on the couch!)
40 minutes of exercise is, by comparison, easy, aside from days like today when I overslept my alarm and was never able to escape my office long enough to get in a decent workout at the Y (I consider it a small victory that I DID bring my gym bag to work...I wanted to go, honest!) So...now it's almost 6:30 and I'm the last straggler out of the office. Making myself work out at home will be tough as my comfy couch, my purring kitties, and my DVRd shows await (yes, I'm a closet "General Hospital" addict...so sue me :)
What will keep me off the couch--for at least 40 minutes--is the way I feel after this first week of really eating well, focusing on my physical and mental health, and being focused on my longer term goals. That, and knowing you guys are out there following along!
Monday, January 4, 2010
...And we're off!
Four days into the new year and so far, this crazy challenge of mine is a success. I will admit I'm surprised (pleasantly so) at the number of notes of encouragement from people from all different parts of my life...and touched that more than one person has told me I've inspired them to think about their own lists.
I'm happy to say I've already checked one thing off my list--I made my list of 40 things I like about myself. It was more challenging than I expected--and I like me, for the most part, just as I am. Try it for yourself...you'll see that, after you get to about number 28, you need to dig deep (I did, anyway). Maybe I'll post my list here before the year is out...I will definitely revisit it during 2010 and, hopefully, add to it. If I get really brave, perhaps I'll start a second list, of 40 things I'd like to change. I'd like to think that list would be more difficult to write.
I've also started reading the first book on my reading list: Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres (and no, I didn't see the movie). It's not a book I would likely have read were it not for this challenge, but I'm really enjoying it. Beautifully written and, now that I've gotten into the flow of the book, I'm really engaged by the characters. It's also making me want to visit Greece (something to add to my list for another year, perhaps).
I committed my first random act of kindness today...not for the sake of adding it to the list, but because I had an opportunity to make someone else happy, which in turn made me happy. What could be better than that?
Thank you again to everyone for being so supportive...and thank you to everyone who has suggested a song for my Forty for 40 playlist. I have enjoyed this diverse list of songs and artists, and thinking about each of you as I listen to the song you suggested. Here's the list so far (not counting the CDs given and/or offered, which I also love!):
"Such Great Heights"-The Postal Service
"Diablo Roja"-Rodrigo y Gabrliela
"Superwoman"-Alicia Keys
"Zanzibar"-Billy Joel
"Hold Me Down"-Gin Blossoms
"Don't Wait Too Long"-Madeleine Peyroux
"I Wish For"-Bai Kamara
"Better Things"-Dar Williams
"My Generation"-The Who
"Meteor Shower"-Owl City
"What Will They Write On Your Stone"-The Brilliant Mistakes
"Somewhere Trouble Don't Go"-The Gibson Brothers
"Underwater"-Midnight Oil
"Alejandro"-Lady GaGa
Keep 'em coming...and thank you!
I'm happy to say I've already checked one thing off my list--I made my list of 40 things I like about myself. It was more challenging than I expected--and I like me, for the most part, just as I am. Try it for yourself...you'll see that, after you get to about number 28, you need to dig deep (I did, anyway). Maybe I'll post my list here before the year is out...I will definitely revisit it during 2010 and, hopefully, add to it. If I get really brave, perhaps I'll start a second list, of 40 things I'd like to change. I'd like to think that list would be more difficult to write.
I've also started reading the first book on my reading list: Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres (and no, I didn't see the movie). It's not a book I would likely have read were it not for this challenge, but I'm really enjoying it. Beautifully written and, now that I've gotten into the flow of the book, I'm really engaged by the characters. It's also making me want to visit Greece (something to add to my list for another year, perhaps).
I committed my first random act of kindness today...not for the sake of adding it to the list, but because I had an opportunity to make someone else happy, which in turn made me happy. What could be better than that?
Thank you again to everyone for being so supportive...and thank you to everyone who has suggested a song for my Forty for 40 playlist. I have enjoyed this diverse list of songs and artists, and thinking about each of you as I listen to the song you suggested. Here's the list so far (not counting the CDs given and/or offered, which I also love!):
"Such Great Heights"-The Postal Service
"Diablo Roja"-Rodrigo y Gabrliela
"Superwoman"-Alicia Keys
"Zanzibar"-Billy Joel
"Hold Me Down"-Gin Blossoms
"Don't Wait Too Long"-Madeleine Peyroux
"I Wish For"-Bai Kamara
"Better Things"-Dar Williams
"My Generation"-The Who
"Meteor Shower"-Owl City
"What Will They Write On Your Stone"-The Brilliant Mistakes
"Somewhere Trouble Don't Go"-The Gibson Brothers
"Underwater"-Midnight Oil
"Alejandro"-Lady GaGa
Keep 'em coming...and thank you!
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