Making my list...

I've told a handful of people about my Forty for 40 idea, and the reactions have been interesting. I'm not sure that anyone understands that this is not a life list of "40 things I feel like I should have accomplished by now" or "40 things to do before I die". Nor is it a list of stuff I just need to get done next year--things I would have or should have been doing anyway. I'm judging this by the types of things people are telling me are on THEIR lists, were they to make a list. I don't really mind--first of all, I appreciate that people seem to be responding positively (and very supportively-- I'm so grateful for that). Secondly, it reinforces that this is my idea for ME, and for no one else. The things on my list are not, for the most part, monumental "bucket list" sorts of things you do once in a lifetime and check off. At the same time, most of the things I've included will take real focus and commitment on my part to complete. I found, in particular, that adding the element of 40 creates a special challenge that is part of the point, for me. For example--saying I'm going to walk or run every week is not innately list-worthy, but quantifying "40 miles per week" means something. That's a lot of walking or running. It means I'll have to average more than 5 miles per day. Something I'm totally capable of, but have never done. Something that will, at the end of the year, feel like an ACCOMPLISHMENT...but will also, I hope, become part of my lifestyle well beyond my 40th year.

I don't mind that this whole idea doesn't necessarily make sense to everyone. Even though I would love to think that this undertaking can inspire someone else along the way, that's not why I'm doing it. Nor am I doing it so I can write a book at the end--though I'd be lying if I hadn't thought that would be a wonderful outcome. I'm doing it for me, and me alone. I'm doing it to celebrate my gratitude for the many, many ways I have been blessed--good health, good friends, good heart--and to simultaneously push myself to do things that seem improbable, if not impossible.

Most of all, I want to finish what I started--something I'm not particularly good at. I will finish making this list, and I will complete all the items on the list. That will be the very best gift I can give myself.

Embracing the inevitable

I've been thinking a lot over the past few months about what it means to me to be turning 40 in just a few months. I started out feeling good about it..."40's the new 30" and all that blah blah, fueled by my friends who assure me that their 40s have been fabulous. I thought, "Woo hoo...40 is going to be awesome...bring it on!"

Then I started thinking about all the things I haven't accomplished in my life that I should have done by now (shouldn't I?)...buying a house, getting married, having kids, finally reaching my goal weight and staying there, publishing a best-seller...and I had a minor freak-out.

Fortunately, the "shoulding on myself" (my favorite Sex and the City line) passed as soon as I realized what a ridiculous waste of time and energy it is to base my self-image on negative thoughts. I've come full circle to the idea of embracing my life as SO much more than a number, or a series of deadlines to be reached. Why not celebrate all that my life already is, and all that it can be?

So, I've come up with this crazy idea of creating a list of 40 things I want to do in 2010 to honor the things I'm already thankful for, improve the things that could be better, and pay forward the blessings I've been given in this wonderful life so far.

I'm still working on the list (it's posted over there in the sidebar), but I'm liking where it's going. Not everything has to be so serious or monumental (I'm NOT planning to jump out of an airplane, or climb Mt. Everest), but I want to make the most of this year and set some goals for myself that are a little daunting (if it were all easy stuff I'd do anyway, that wouldn't be any fun).

My first goal is to finalize the list by December 31 so I can start on January 1 (I thought about starting ON my birthday but I'm too excited to wait that long). I'll use this blog to post updates on how I'm progressing toward completing the list, if you care to follow along. And, if you've got a suggestion for something to add to the list, I'd love to hear it. (Again, I'm not jumping out of an airplane so don't go there!)